Yummy~ Coffee~~~

I didn't go to Starbux today. Instead, I went to Coffee Bean. Coffee Bean was right across the street so we went there for the convenience. I went with my friend, SS. We were going to talk over coffee for about 30 minutes but we spent about 2 hours there. Oh wow... Well, I got myself a small white chocolate latte with an extra shot and a chocolate croissant. I barely touched the chocolate croissant. The white chocolate latte? I've had better before. But the weather was nice for us to be sitting inside a coffee shop. It started sprinkling while we were just chatting away.



I'm still trying to put the puzzle pieces together and trying to solve the mystery. I don't know what was said and who said what. All I know is that I feel like I am the suspect/criminal who has been framed by someone. I am not going to share details about what I'm talking about since this case is still open and ongoing. LOL! Yes, I won't share anymore until it is solved. But I don't think this will ever be solved.

Anyway, I am looking forward to a nice dinner and then Starbux afterwards. I'm going to get a tall white chocolate mocha with madeleine cookies for dessert! Yummy~~~

A Cold-Hearted Woman Cries... Siento como no puedo hablar mi mente

When others search to play the piano...


I turn to the keyboard... the computer keyboard...


If only I knew how to play the piano... I have writer's block now. Also, I feel as if the whole world is watching my blog, ready to attack me. Whatever I post on this blog, I have always generalized if it wasn't about me. I would share bits of details about my life story if it's only about me and no others involved. But when there were others involved, I was very careful of what I write and how I write it. Blog, emails, letters, text... they're all the same. It's how the reader wants to read it. There is no emotions on these words and the reader is the one adding the tone and emotion to it while reading it. Unless you read my blogs with your heart, you shouldn't dare say you understand me or can feel my frustration and/or pain in my words.

아름다운 음악을 연주하고 싶다. 글 쓸려고 아무리 노력해봐도 못하겠다. 어디론가 멀리 살아져버리고 싶다. 아무도 모르는 곳에... 아무도 없는 곳으로... 정말 사는게 싫다........ 정말 지칠때로 지쳤다...................

'If one wants to see clearly, then one can only do so with the heart.'

Siento así que utilicé y desagradecido. Ahora no puedo incluso decir cualquier cosa. Estoy decepcionado en alguna gente. Pensé que esto era un país con la libertad de expresión.

Look at me! Yo perdida mucha pesa.


You can see the bones on my chest instead of a cleavage. Even after my weight loss, I am still a 34C so bones showing through like that is weird. I am now 102 pounds. My height? Somewhere around 5'5. This morning I woke up after having a really weird dream. I am starting to feel the depression crawl out from deep inside. No hablaré más. Si es la guerra que usted quiere, me prepararán. No moriré solamente.

“I am the punishment of God... If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you.” -Genghis Khan

Spring Fashion Trends for 2010

Colorful, Playful Ribbons

Floral Prints

If You Knew Me...

If you knew me... If you really knew what type of person I was and what's on my mind, would you still be my friend? Would you still hold my hand? Or would you turn your back on me and walk away? Would you even run away if you knew what kind of person I am?

My life is so full of drama. I take dramatic measures to get things or have things done. I am holding onto dear life and trying so hard to live life. But if you really knew me, would you still be my friend?

There are reasons that things happen. There are reasons behind my actions, whether simple or drastic. I have posted a private blog post titled "drastic measures" but I am not going to post it publicly. I think it is laying everything out there TOO much. I know I share a bit TMI sometimes but this post... it's like showing my heart and brain to the whole world so I dare not push the "publish" button.

But that made me think... If these people knew me... I mean, truly knew me, would they understand and still be my friend? Or would they talk shit about me and turn away? We all knew that I am naturally evil but... if they knew this part of me, I don't even think the devil would be my friend.

How About Pink?!

Lovely Pink Interior

Daughters are like Angels... They Keep Us Alive

My friend was depressed because his 4 year old daughter has gone down home to some city other than LA. He stated that she cried and that just broke his heart. Of course, I know how this feels. I, myself, have a precious daughter. I believe she's an angel. The difference between my friend and I is... He gets to see his daughter whenever he wants. I, on the other hand, am divorced and I have to deal with child custody issues.

I remember the nights that she didn't want to go to her dad's place. I remember when I was dropping her off, she would hold her chest and try not to cry. I let her cry if she wants but I prefer not to see her cry. But her dad doesn't like to see her cry, especially when the reason is me. I remember one day... She was 5 years old. Her little fist was held towards her chest. She was crying but trying so hard not to cry. She told me that her heart hurts. She was telling me that she's crying because she misses me already. When I talk about these things, people start judging me and blaming me. But don't start doing any of those unless you know how my marriage or family life was like.

As I'm writing this blog entry, I had to take out a part of my repressed memory. So now I'm crying. Crying tears of sadness and also anger. I am so frustrated. I had promised that she and I will live happily, just the two of us really soon. But now she's turning 9 this month. This is why I call myself a horrible mother. I am postponing my promise to her. Regardless the reason or excuses I have, I was not able to keep that promise. I am afraid that she will believe that those were empty promises. I am a person who promises only if I can deliver. But I didn't know I was going to take this long. I didn't know she was going to grow up so fast. I can't write anymore. I can't see the screen because I am really pouring out tears now. It just breaks my heart...

My Weekend in Pictures

My daughter made this for me with dominoes! How sweet!!!



My daughter & me ^^*



Snow capped mountain! I want to go see snow!!!



Forest Lawn Memorial Park (Covina Hills)